Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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