Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
