i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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