11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize