I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
