Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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