it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
