you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
