Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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