It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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