I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
