where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize