You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
