quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
