we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
