Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize