Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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