all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize