I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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