I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize