Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
