The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
