apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize