Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
