Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
