Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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