I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
