omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm at about main and main street
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
