We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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