I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
