420 ftw
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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