Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
