i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize