Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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