That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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