i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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