Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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