she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I would fuck him just for his dog
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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