My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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