Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
