Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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