thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We got so high we made milksteak
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
