I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize