I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
