I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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