Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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