Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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