if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
