whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This baby is an asshole
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
