Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
