everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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