White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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