Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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