piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
