so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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