she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
