She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
