So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you made out with another girl for some wings
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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