I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
