why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
