Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize