My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
