dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
