well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
