I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
