Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
