The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
