That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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